"God Told Me To Scam You"

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What a heck of a week and weekend it has been, and quite frankly the last two weeks as a whole.

💀 Bitboy Ending Stream
🪂 JUP Airdrop Explainer
📉 BTC Local Top?
💸 FOREX Update
⛪️ Today’s DGOTW: Colorado Pastor’s $3.2 M Crypto Scam

Quick Updates:

1) Bitboy (Ben Armstrong) announces he is not going to be doing a live stream anymore after lawyer fees are allegedly (we say allegedly here because the dude is a pathological liar) in the 100k a month category. Along with this, he alleges that his show costs $25k a week to produce… HOW?! Someone refer the man a virtual assistant for crying out loud.

2) Jupiter Exchange had their air drop of $JUP tokens which printed out millionaires appear overnight. What is Jupiter you ask? “Jupiter is the leading DEX on Solana. As a DEX swap aggregator, it aggregates liquidity sources across Solana to get you the widest range of swaps at the best prices. For our ETH friends, you can think of Jupiter as the Uniswap or 1inch of Solana” according to Phantom.

1 billion (10% of supply) was airdropped and $JUP is currently sitting at the $0.50 USD range.

Reminder: this newsletter isn’t a weekly crypto rally, we aren’t blinded by pure bullishness - we are always looking out for the 6,600 cousing reading this every week the best we can especially when things in our minds aren’t looking green.

It’s not looking good bruv. I’ve been in the space since 2016, that's going on 8 years. When you’ve been around for that long you start to see the same patterns just in different forms. We’re starting to see major signs of a top, or at least in my mind a local one. The Bitcoin ETF was approved yet the retail focus has been predominantly on memes and vaporware. On top of that, mainstream influencers who aren’t known for their crypto advice or market acumen are handing out uneducated takes left and right. Additionally, we’ve seen mainstream media be mega-bullish on crypto for some time - and they may have overstayed their welcome. These are not the type of things you want to see after a monster rally off the lows while price sits right around yearly highs. Typically this means a correction is due and a cleansing is needed in order for us to continue higher. This is a classic game of 2 steps forward and 1 step back, and if you are long-term bullish, which I am, this is the best thing possible. You get the opportunity to load up on your favorite projects at a discount after the nories get washed up on the beach and panic sell for their car payment.

With that being said, there is still the chance we continue to push a bit higher like I originally thought and retest at least previous highs or potentially even squeeze to $50,000 BTC. However, I will be trading this on a higher time frame bias, meaning I would take profit while we are tremendously up from our low buys and look to enter lower. If we squeeze higher I am not phased. Whether it's now or after the squeeze, I have high conviction we will have the chance to buy lower than these levels, so why take the risk of not securing profits just for an extra 20% move?

I will never sell all of my bags because, of course, I could be completely wrong and we don’t get the complex pullback I’m looking for, but the smart thing to do would be to secure profits and look to enter lower. If we don’t get that entry you still win. You secured profits and you still get to ride the spot you hold.

I will be treading lightly while the market is up here. this is not an area I am interested in securing large spot positions. If i’m wrong I would prefer to dump the profit back in higher with more confirmation of up only.

• Coinbase’s Base: Acquired 2M users last year after 6 months (BW)

• China: Is emerging as a source of BTC demand (BM)

• Tesla: Now owns over 9K BTC ($385M) (TB)

• Silk Road: US files notice to sell $130M of BTC linked to illegal marketplace (BW)

• ETH Layer 2s: Transaction fees surged 400% last year (TD)

• ARK: Bought $6.2M of its own BTC ETF last week (M)

• FTX: Drops plans to resurrect fallen crypto exchange (P)

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💸 DOLLAR INDEX

At the FOMC meeting Powell decided there would be no rate cuts, meaning rate cuts are likely further out than the market anticipated, which in turn is bullish for the Dollar.

We then had NFP news, which tells us the number of jobs gained or lost in the previous month, excluding farm workers, private household employees, and Government employees.

187k Jobs were expected to have been created, however the actual number came out much greater at 353k, causing the U.S. Dollar to rally. When the forecast is much lower or higher than the actual number, like today, it leads to a much more significant reaction in the charts.

This large difference caught everyone by surprise.

An increase in jobs created shows strength in the U.S. economy, however, if NFP increases at a fast rate, it can indicate an increase in inflation.

All this together indicates the Dollar will continue higher (in theory)

However, long term this is bullish for assets such as crypto.

As you can see from this chart, January had some low probability price action, due to the two consolidation ranges we were stuck in. The last daily candle in this sequence is the aftermath of the NFP date, which as of right now is breaking out of the consolidation. If DXY weekly candle closes strong I expect the Dollar to continue higher for the monthly FVG and the liquidity inside it.

You really can’t make this sh*t up if you tried. This might have been the easiest DOTW we have ever had to choose.

Yes, this video is real. This is the Colorado Pastor Eli Regalados’ “apology” video for the $3.2 million crypto scam that he launched ($1.3 mm of which he pocketed himself). Must watch television is an understatement.

In the video above you will see Pastor Eli Regalado who launched “INDXcoin” selling it to members of his church and other Christian communities in Denver, Colorado. The sales were conducted through the “Kingdom Wealth Exchange”, an online crypto marketplace that he created and operated - which in turn ended up failing and not allowing holders to sell their assets.

After raising over $3 million in funds through sales tactics that many religious members would probably deem sacrilegious in itself, Regalados and his wife used $1.3 million of the funds to purchase lavish items such as a Range Rover, vacations, and jewelry. He even remodeled his home and stated “A few hundred thousand dollars went to a home remodel that the Lord told us to do.”

Even though Regalados (in his words) was waiting for God to make a “financial miracle” members of the community have rightfully filed civil fraud charges.

😈 Devil’s Take: Shame on his community for abandoning him! Regalado is just spreading the good word of degen and building wealth on his way to Valhalla.

In all seriousness, this guy made Joel Osteen look like saint but we want to hear your thoughts on the matter.

You’ve got to be kidding me…

• Jamie Dimon Is An Idiot?

• Cousin’s Bitcoin ETF Prediction

• Inject Solana Straight Into My Veins

• How Cousin Finds His Next 100x Alt Coin

Written by: Cousin Crypto, Gannon

Disclaimer: Heinous Pumps Newsletter does NOT provide financial advice. All content is for informational purposes only. Heinous Pumps is not a registered investment, legal, or tax advisor or a broker/dealer. Trading any crypto-related asset is extremely risky and could result in significant capital losses. Heinous Pumps is a satire-based newsletter and should not be taken seriously.